The Gang

My photo
Let me tell you about our crew... Momma L- I dig pretty shoes- that are comfy. And coffee, I love coffee. Big Daddy- He is gonna cringe if he sees this, lol. I also dig that. He loves playing basketball with the kiddos. JD- He is 14. He is sarcastic. He is a freshman in HS. He is a regular teen. Annoyingdotcom. I heart that. HN- 9 yr old math wiz and future rap star. Well at least that is how he sees himself. He currently is enjoying beatboxing, reading, and anything techy. Little Miss- 8 years old, loves my little ponies and her critters. She loves all things pretty. HW- 7 years old and if it has to do with construction,garbage trucks, or wild life...he's there! He is my little funny man. Baby O- 4 years old and fancies herself fancy. She enjoys all things dolly, tea party, or shopping related.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

My confession

This is an honest and open confession of my heart. A public view of a daily struggle. I am "outing" myself so to speak so that others will know that they are not alone....


Every blog I stumble upon lavishes praise upon the birth mother. The self sacrificing act she did. How she must have so much love, that one will never know. I am here offering another view. The one that nobody wants to talk about.

I love my child's birth mother. I think that even if I was not related to her, I would still have love for her because she created the child that I have. So in that fashion I have love for her. I love her in a way that I want her to be healthy, do well, have a good life. But I do not like her. This is where I begin to break the silence. I fully believe that you can have love for a person, and not like them or their actions.

I had lofty dreams of us getting along. Like the "good 'ol days." When we were kids. I had her pictured in my mind as someone who would thing rationally as an adult, someone who was grown up both physically and mentally.

 I confess. That was my mistake. I will not make that again.

What I have in actuality is someone who believes that she is still an excellent mother, jilted by the government's corrupted system designed to fail her. A person who takes no responsibility for their actions. I am not looking forward to the day that we have a visit with her. I have been berated by her, and considered less of a mother.  

I speak out because I want to remind other parents that while having a relationship with bios can be wonderful, it can also be torturous. I did not drink alcohol while pregnant, I did not create an unhealthy environment for this little child, I didn't abandon her! But I am picking up all the pieces of that crazy puzzle because I chose too!!! And guess what, it is not easy. First mom, you created lots of problems.
And now, I will do everything to protect my daughter.


I confess, I am mad at her. I watch my daughter growing and having struggles with things and I think sometimes to myself... this is all your fault. I know my heart needs to get right, and I need to forgive her. But I am just not there yet. I don't know when I will be, all I know is that this is my struggle.

I know that I am mad, I am hurting. I know that my child is hurting, and that she is mad too! And I know that it is her fault. She is not some birth mother in China, dictated by a one child policy, forced by brutality to give up her daughter, no. She abandoned THREE BEAUTIFUL creations GOD blessed her with because she couldn't obey the rules. Then went and started over. Free in another state to get to start from 0 with a new life in her hands.

I am writing this for the hundreds of hours spent pouring over homework with my daughter, because she has learning disabilities of some form or another do to FASD, yet bio mom screams at me that she DESERVES more contact with her.

I am writing this because my child has some kind of  sensory processing issues, could be because she didn't have meals met when she needed, could be because of FASD...it all seems to come back to that. WHICH by the way is 100% PREVENTABLE!!! yet she criticizes me.


I write this, because some day my child get frustrated, mad, sad, upset, at her bio mom. Yet I shoulder the weight of angry ball of fury because I am the only mom in this house. The one she is upset at is not around, and even if she was, how could she possible muster up the courage and strength to tell her how she really feels. No, it is much easier to scream at me, then say, "Why did my tummy mom leave me?"

I write for you Momma's out there. Sitting with your phones, searching for blogs to read, websites for help, someone else who has thought the same thing as you. I write this for you. You, my friends, are not alone. Sure some mothers give the greatest gift of all to their children. The gift of life in a family that is yearning for them. But some "moms," just plain mess up. As foster parents, you always hope when a new kiddo comes in that the parent gets it together, and some do. But you know what? Some don't. Some are self-centered, some are completely altered and stuck in teen years by the drugs that they do. Some choose their addictions, whatever that may be over the kids. And yes, I said choose. They are given every opportunity for help. Life is not easy, but when you have kids you have to be selfless and take care of them. So this is for you Momma's you are not alone when you are running your hands through your hair wondering what the heck was that lady thinking when she did what she did.

We live in a fallen world. Full of sin. Including our own giant planks.  I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Not every adoption is soft fuzzy photos of people getting along, or people honoring someone in a far off land. Sometimes it is real, it is gritty, and it is raw.
That is just the stuff nobody wants to talk about.



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Count it ALL as Joy!

Here is what has been going on
1. I am pretty sure I have to restart the thirst campaign. There is a mistake on the back. And I have been informed that some people aren't buying because they don't want beautiful baggage on their boobs.... I'm being honest and real up in here peeps.
     Joy- I will now make a men and women campaign. :-)
2. My little miss has a foul mood. Towards me. Mainly. I am POSITIVE it has to do with the emotions that we have brought up concerning her tummy mom- separate post- I want to shout, I am mad at her too don't take it out on me!!! But I smile, take a breath give correction if needed and move on.
    Joy - I KNOW I was promised JOY. I don't doubt this.  I think I am also being taught patience., and obedience.

3 sick kids for many days.
 Joy- I didn't throw up and neither did sweet hubby!

4. Foster care life- the whirlwind that we ride. M in and M out, able to receive another call at any moment. Court cases, social workers, casa's, lawyers, bios... Oh. My!
    Joy-  being broken by God in ways that I didn't know were possible. Good, just in a way, that you can't unsee or unknown what you know. Daily obedience, daily forgiveness.

Lord continue to lead us in this.

Monday, February 10, 2014

launched

http://teespring.com/beautifulbaggage
order your beautiful baggage shirt NOW
help BB put luggage into the hands of foster kids carrying around garbage bags!

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Breathe in Breathe out

All in one day we went from preparing for a 6 day old infant to having a four year old dropped on our door step at 9 pm.
That. Folks. Is foster care.

She was here for about two weeks. Long enough to smile. Long enough to have screaming tantrums. Long enough to be comfy and cozy with the kids.
And long enough to call my hubby Daddy.
Then yesterday she went back to her mommy. That is always the goal.
Good luck to you little M.