moving to a new site

Thank you to all who have been following our journey. I am moving to a wordpress site. I would love for you to continue to follow us there so here is the new link. Feel free to FB, tweet, and pin it:)
Our non profit is up and going, we are also working on that website as well. Hence the site change. If one site is to be there, might as well have them all there :)
Much love to you and Yours.
Momma L
http://thefosterlife.wordpress.com/

Then life happened...

Many  things have happened since writing in November. I think the best way to sum it up is to say that life happened. Crazy, busy as always, it happened. let's cover the highlights.

In the extended home-  Dorothy: This is one of my deepest sadness's.  I feel two sided about it, On one hand I feel as though I failed her, yet on the other hand I feel as though she is behaving like, well we all know that I am direct, like a spoiled child. A young woman, with so much potential, yet she throws it away. I know that there is nothing one person can do to make another person change, they have to want to change and want something healthier, yet somehow I still feel bad. She has bought a ticket to go back to Kansas, in the very same tornado like fashion she came, she leaves. I am sad for her future. I pray that something impacted her. I pray she makes changes in her life. I pray she finds her happiness, a job that she loves and one day, not any time soon, but one day a man that will teat her how she deserves to be treated.

At Work- OH EM GEEEEEEE.... I love it. I love my job as a middle school teacher. This is not the problem. What is the problem is the looming test that costs $100 hanging over my head. The test that I have taken twice and failed and have to take again to be hired THAT is the problem!! I have to be qualified in both history and ELA to teach in middle school because they combine the two. Well ELA I passed, History is the hold up! Merry Christmas break to me!

At Home-  We have had a relatively quiet house lately. No placements, no big problems. Just the usual. Currently everyone is on Christmas Break and the boys are rocking out to guitar hero learning classics like "eye of the tiger," while the girls are playing Disney infinite.  Nash and I just opened our bank account for the non-profit we started Beautifully Inspired. Stayed tuned for a separate post on that. And MY PARENTS MOVED HOME!!!!

Goodnight moon

I really want to write something wonderful. Something inspirational. But that isn't what is going to happen tonight.   

Today, I helped a kid down to the office while he threw up in my garbage can. 

Helped several others ... Um... Refocus themselves and get back on track so they could get their work done.

Then came home and created The Wizard of Oz line up, minus tin man. 

.... So momma is ready for bed. I will leave with pumpkin carving night.

Enjoy!

+ Dorothy

IDorothy has found her way back to Oz. I know I know... She is supposed to find her way back to Kansas, but trust me on this, Oz is where she needs to be. And her family is happy to have her. 

If you remember anything, or just click back to October one year ago, you will see some of Dorothy. She is a BEAUTIFUL young woman. Smart, funny, sassy as can be. She is also the hubby's lil cousin. 

The tornado dropped her precious butt off about 2 weeks ago, and while she suffers from bouts of homesickness, I do think that in the long run, she will do just fine. I am eager to see what wonderful things God has in store for the amazing young woman. She has a spunk, a fight, I know she will do awesome things. 

The Wiz, Wicked, Dorothy, Glenda, Todo, and Scarecrow

Hope outfitters.

Check out this amazing business. They have a love for The Lord, and are following where God calls.

http://www.hopeoutfitters.com/blog

Life in the FC. Leave a Legacy

Life in the Foster Care or the FC as we have come to call it, is an interesting ride. You never know what will happen, but that can be exciting. Following God, that can be exciting!!

Just like any other mission field God may send a family into, The FC is no different. There are  trials, struggles, successes and failures. There are times of happiness and sorrow. But through everything God is there. 

FC is different that adoption in the sense that there is not always finality. The goal of FC is to reunite a child (ren) with their parents. If that can't happen then other options are sought. But reunification is the first and primary goal. Can this be hard, yes absolutely. But what should we do... not love a child, not care for a child just because it might hurt? How much might it help the child even for a moment. What kind of legacy do you want to leave? What do you want to teach your children?

Oh life

The little thing called life is keeping me busy. So we made time for fun!

That verse...

I keep thinking about the verse the Lord gave me when speaking about adoption. "Instead of your shame you shall have double honor; And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs." Is 61:7

The last bit is my best. Everlasting joy shall be theirs.

thanks God.

I don't deserve it.

but thanks

 

This little notion however, taught me a lesson. I thought. right where it said, in their land they shall possess double, I honestly prayed for a year people. I know God gave me this verse and I knew I was to have a girl of Native decent, I just didn't know it was to be my cousin until later. But I thought the "double" aspect would be in the form of two boys and two girls. I have now grown to realize that is not the case. What if God meant double as in we had three kids, be ready for six?  Or what if I was just so fixated on that word double for not a literal meaning at all for me. I have all ready been finding that indeed Everlasting Joy Shall Be Mine, when being obedient to His word and what he has planned for my life. I enjoy following what he has in store for our family. Is everything always super awesome and roses? no. But can I always find JOY somewhere?? Yes. Especially because God gave me her.

 

On letting go...

I think in the coming future I will be make some changes in my life. Hubs and I have had many long talks about things and have come to some final conclusions. Still doing foster care... No worries! Just need to make a few other changes, new directions. 

Though as that door closes I have another door swinging wide open! Banging back and forth! My teaching career. I am between a bit of a rock and a hard place. Not officially hired, yet really expected to do what a hired teacher would do. If I complain too much then I am looked down upon, if I don't say anything then I am not being an advocate. I am only there half of the day. I can only do so much in that allotment of time. It is kind of a stinky position to be in. But I love teaching and I love middle school so I will suck it up and do what I have to do. I also have to look at it from a ministry perspective. I get the chance to be with these kids for one hour every day. I need to use it wisely. Make a good influence.

Mr. Homecoming

JD went to Homecoming. I will admit, when he came out of the dressing room while trying on clothes I felt a little emotional. I have no idea if this is normal or not. I have never parented a teenager or not. But just thinking about all that we have been through the past year and seeing him all done up and so handsome. Looking at him as he strutted in front of the mirror, a proud young man. One that has the confidence that grows every day. One that knows that he is loved, every day. I couldn't help it. I was slightly misty eyed.
JD took a sweet young lady to Homecoming with them. They are not "an item" so to speak. Just friends. She came over the weekend before for dinner. It must be overwhelming to come into our wild house haha. But she handled it well. She lives in a quiet apartment with just her parents. We live with 5 kids, and some chickens and ducks. I think she was amused.
JD had a wonderful night he said. He was even convinced he saw me at the picture taking area taking pictures, after mine and Hubby's speech about the bases. Again, I say to you. We have never parented a teenage, we were just teenagers once, so that is what we based our speech off of. That and good, solid morals. Don't use our speech to either judge us, or follow as parental guidelines haha!!! Buuuuttt here is what we told him:
JD we understand the temptations you might feel tonight to, make out with your wonderful lady friend, or whatever you want to call it. However, just know this. While we ex pect you to be a gentleman and walk her to the door, offer her your jacket. We do get that you may want to hold hands, give her a hug, or even a small kiss. Know that if attempt to round any more bases than that we will know. Don't worry about the how, we just will. Then Dad and I will show up, and make out right there. After. all, if that is what is fun to do. We don't want to miss out on all the fun... ***Please say this with much humor and sarcasm, as I sure did, then hubby made kissy face to me and JD did fake gagging and said, OK OK, I get it geeeeezzz you guys. GROOOOOSSSS!*** Like we should never kiss anymore. haha

Without further ado, here are his super cute pics

JD is in HIGH SCHOOL

I have a high schooler. Yep, a child in high school and tonight that high school kid goes to homecoming.
pics to follow. stay tuned. I have to go and continue to grade papers. Oh, that's right I have a job. It isn't "official" because I still have to pass one more HQ, but basically I have a half day middle school job. I love it, it is a bunch of work, and did I say I love it. because I do!

Sick work and the non profit

Today I am laying down, not feeling good. Having a bad migraine, being sick with some weird cold ...so don't have time for this.  

All the kids have started school and they love it. Little Miss has one of my favorite teachers this year. Praise The Lord. She will need her too. The FASD is showing its ugly head more these days. I will write more about that in an upcoming post.

I have been working half time at my favorite middle school. I love it, which is why I am so annoyed I am sick right now. I wish I could be working in stuff right now. 

Our life is busy these days, but great.

Selling tickets for the heart for the fatherless masquerade ball

Foster family night out 

Jr high night ... They got into kids dress up bins!

Life goes on...

So so

SoSo we made it through the visit. And not only made it through, but it went WELL!!

Now I have back to school stuff starting. I have got the backpacks, need to get a few more things from the list, then I'm good.

... Ok as a side note as I'm am quietly sitting here the dog is STINKING me OUT !!!!! You smell dog! So bad! 

So so so bad you stink.

Anyways, so I got a long term subbing position. Just half time. But I am hoping I will get hired. I will just be praying and see what works out.

Also happening is the plans for the masquerade ball! All things are coming together. Just have to get the tickets sold and everything!!

The visit

Through all of my worry, doubt, anger and heartache. I went to bed Sunday night and fell asleep praying. Begging Gos to set my mind right. Make this visit a good one for all involved. 

I think the pictures will speak for themselves....

Time.

I  going to preface this entry with a heartfelt warning. This is my heart, layed out, so that others will feel not alone as they sit up late at night, so that when Momma's are crying and fretting over what is he "right" thing to do, they can read about another Momma who maybe went through something  similar. I am not here to paint a picture of butterflies and rainbows, some days there are. Today there is not....

Day after tomorrow is the day I have been dreading. The meeting with what many adoptive parents would say, "bio-mom." I call her my cousin. I used to call her my friend. Someone I could trust. Someone I would have envisioned sending my kids away to over summer vacations for special trips, getting together for beach stays. This is not my reality.

 Everyone thinks that doing a kinship adoption, or adopting a family member, would be the easiest thing. They are blood related- because that makes all the difference ** note a high level of sarcasm right there ** , family adoptions SHOULD go faster, and of course all families get along and want what is best for the child and for the kiddo to stay in the family. Not go away to some wierdo, sicko, evil foster parent- who is only in it for the money anyways. Well if only REAL life was like that. Of course you have some supporters in the family from the start. "You are doing a good thing, I could never do that, but good for you guys!" - let's be honest I lost count how many times I heard that in the first month! Then you have the back handed complements , " ya that's good, but your hands are kinda full."  Then there are the assault rifles, " what are you thinking! That is not where the child  belongs! Why wasn't I informed!!" This is kinship adoption.  Everyone is so comfortable with you, and they feel right by being able to say whatever they want whenever hey want. They also feel right by holding and horboring resentment toward you for years to come. I mean after all, you are family. So if you didn't let them know every facaet of your life then something must be wrong with you.. Right? I mean how dare you not ask permission from the busybodies in the family!  

That is a cold and raw look. It is accurate to my life, but very raw, now let me tell you how I dealt with it for two years. Jesus tell us to forgive. A lot. So I clung to that. He also tells us to turn the other cheek. So I did that as well. I did wonder if there was a moment in which I would need to protect my family and my heart, where enough would be enough . But for over two years I tried to explain and just simply move on. Then there was a breaking point. Malicious, Mean, Manipulative behavior from a beloved family member. And this is why kinship adoption is hard. They think they should be a part of what you do. 

I am experiencing both kinds of adoption from foster care, one from kinship and one from a child placed with me. The kinship one is BY FAR THE MORE STRESSFUL OF THE TWO. Now make  NO MISTAKE.  I would do it again. I just wish someone would have given me a few pointers. I might have made a few more notes and things.

So per our OCA, we have a once a year visit and pictures and updates 2x a year. I was doing much more at first until a verbal attack was launched. I realized I can't keep trying to be friends with an image of who I remember her to be. That person is gone. The person that exists now is not someone I would hang around with, but I am legally bound to. I miss my cousin. I wish that person was there. I wish my daughter was going to get to see her, not a phony shell that is going to be portrayed. I know exactly how she will be, she used to do this before, this overly sugary sweet and dramatical act. I don't look forward to it. Somewhere between Mary Poppins and Anne of Green Gables, but if something doesn't go her way it will be something out of the ghetto.

I struggle so much with the upcoming day. My daughter, has so many questions. Some I refuse to answer. She is too young to know. Some I have to make it age appropriate to that I don't get caught in a lie while trying to make her bio mom not look bad. BIO MOM- understand when I say, I have done my best to shine you in your brightest light. However she is smart. She is drawing lines from the dots.  I don't know what the day will bring, but I do know this. BE CAREFUL WITH MY DAUGHTERS HEART. 

I know that there are things that they remember that are good. My daughter remembers a kitten she had. But, I also tend to think that you may have rewrote some of their thoughts when moving back to Washington. That was a difficult time and you wanted to imagine things a particular way. If you say it over and over enough times, it becomes a memory and seems true. 

This is a glimpse into my head during a time when I have never done anything like this before. I hope if you stumbled upon this as another adoptive momma and are having some same concerns you are eased. If you are a bio momma and you stumble upon this, know that I appreciate you chose life. In my case that is about it. I am sorry my cousin refuses help from people, continues to have children. All of those things are not safe. In an ideal world bio momma you would agree to help and stay clean. You would control your temper and not choose to be around people that are bad for your health. Case by case is how i take things. And I am so over the shenanigans if this case.

If you have made it this far I ask one thing. Pray for self control for me. Seriously. Kinship adoption is hard because you know them all so well, and I have to patience left. Pray I can control my tongue. Because there is so much I could just spew forth. 

This little life pics

Baby O and her sweet cousin Missy M

My Four- Lil Miss, HN, HW, and JD


Momma and Daddy on date night!


During my first pit stop traveling with 6 kids for a week, I got to visit with old friends... from HIGH SCHOOL. I was feeling super blessed to have time with these awesome and amazing women. Ladies, let's do this again soon.


At a wild life park. NW Trek.


Baby O and Precious Kootah. I love them both.


My kids posing so nicely for a pic. haha


Baby Dez's Bye Bye pic's. This is a tradition that we have started. When a kiddo that we have leaves. We all take a minute to say bye, and take a picture. That will make some album one day.