National Adoption Day!!!

Praise the LORD! We have made it Adoption Day!!! It was awesome. The national adoption day ceremony consisted of a few presenters and then the adoptions began. Ours, of course, was last! But finally we went. We all walked up there, Hubby and I raised our right hands, accepting all the responsibilities legally  that we have already accepted everyday. It was truly awesome. The judge took pictures with us and the kids, all of the kids, received a teddy bear!!
I just loved everything about it!

After the ceremony we went to Chuck E Cheese. Yes folks, you heard right. I did in fact say we went to good ol' Chucks for our ADay partay! But as my husband so rightly pointed out when I was blathering on and on about how I should be making everything, or that we should go to a nice sit down place. He said what would the kids like? He was quite right, and no mess either!! I have just seen God at every step along our adoption and fostering path.

For instance, the sweet gal who brought our cake out from the back room at Chuck's, she was asking me who was doing the adopting and who got adopted. She was a very young gal, maybe 19 or 20.  I just assumed she was naturally curious about all of our big group so I "oh I am the Mom, and we just adopted that little princess over there." motioning towards Lil Missy. "oh" says the young gal, "I was in foster care too, but I didn't get adopted. That is good she did though." I went on to tell her that she is never to old to have a family to go to, and that she needs a place especially with holidays around the corner. She mentioned that sometimes she goes back to her last foster home to visit for the holidays. She said she "aged out" and was too old for a family. Of all the places we could have gone that night, and of all the workers who worker there she was the one laid before us. I will never know why exactly she was there, but I do think that sometimes instances like that are just what we need at that moment. Just little messages of encouragement to remind us to keep going on.

I was also surprised by my own mother that weekend. I had absolutely NO IDEA that she was coming, but wouldn't you know, I was getting ready, just brushing my teeth and there she was. She arrived with my little sister. I was utterly and totally shocked. I mean I had just texted her and we were saying how it stunk that her and Dad would miss it, yada yada yada. but she pulled a big one over on me! And for her and sis, that is hard! I was so overcome I just bawled, screamed and bawled.

Other family came in too. My Aunt, who has also adopted two kiddos, and my Uncle- Lil Missy's grandpa, my great grama, and then we had all of our local family and friend. To say we really felt supported, is just, well it was just amazing.

Here

I am here!! Just busy! 

This craziness that I love.

So we lead a busy life here. Things are crazier than usual with the HFTF conference coming up this weekend, all the foster stuff going on this month, a visitor from out of town, and just day to day life. We stay busy. I like busy. I think that some people see busy and it scares them... Slow down!!! Take a rest!! But others love the crazy! I friends, love the crazy. I love knowing what God has called us to do. That he has called us to the mission field in our own backyard, that we can and will obey. Me, little ol me. I get the privilege of being His mighty hands and feet, I get to obey. It is just awesome.  I get to show my children what obedience to God looks like, sacrificial, loving, tender, caring, broken out for Him. We could totally choose to not do things, but being where we are now, I don't know how I could ever go back. You can't unsee, and unknow things. Your heart can't be unbroken for the least of these. You can't un-cry tears of pain for having hands tied in sticky situations while waiting for a better outcome. You. Can't.

So do I love the life and the road God laid out for me. Of course, he knows me best, he created this heart to love a house full. This life might not be for everyone, but I am thankful God gave is the strength and courage to bravely walk down and follow His path, because this life is for us.

Adoption Day!!!!!!

As I type, I have lawyers bringing me papers to sign. We should be all set to be finalizing on NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY! 

I am so thrilled!!

October and all like it...

Wouldn't it be crazy if one day you just jumped on here and saw...
Well not much to write about! Life has been so boooorrriiinng! Nothing to report!

That however is not the case. Along with having our new addition, we have Hubby's cousin Carlee visiting from Kansas. She is a fun gal.

Mr. J, the new addition, he is a great guy. We really enjoy having him, and fill blessed for the privilege to get to have him for as long as we will get to.

Lil Miss, oh Lil Miss. She has grown so much over the past year. Not just physically,  but emotionally too. She is coming to terms with hard things. Things like responsibility, ownership for actions,  and bonding... Slowly bonding, I know to people who don't understand it seems like that stuff should happen quickly, but it doesn't. We are happy with where she is. There are small thins that happen more slowly, and that is the way it has to be to happen right.


And there is more... ADOPTION DAY,,,,,

WE HAVE A DATE!!!

Obedience. On the first time.

I want to preface this post with- holy cow, this turned out to be way more that I expected!! I apparently had a lot more on my heart and mind than I realized. If you make it to the end, yay! If not- I love anyways, haha :)
Much love and Many Prayers,
Momma L


I say this to my kids. "you need to obey Mommy, please... the first time I say it. I should not have to say something several times." And I mean that, if I ask them to do something I do expect for them to listen to me, to do as I ask of them.

Philippians 2:14
"Do everything without grumbling or arguing."

 I also keep in mind a few other things:
- For absolute certain they are not always going to do things on the first time that they are asked, but it is their attitude and heart about it that I desire.

- I expect them to seek forgiveness and to have a heart that yearns to do what is right.

- Basically I expect the best of my children because I know that they can do their best. I know that God created them to be THEIR BEST. So why would I slack and let them be anything less than what He created them to be.

 

Now to us "grown ups"....

We TOO have to OBEY. Many times adults think that just because they are adults now they no longer have to obey anyone. THEY are the ones in charge. This is, in many cases true. Children must obey them, and heck even other adults must obey at various jobs. But we also must remember that we ALL have someone that we need to seek and listen to. So often in the craziness of life that is forgotten. We are so busy, being adults that we forget, don't think about it, or maybe don't think that it is really "that big of deal," to ask God what He thinks about issues concerning our lives. But considering that He created our lives, He wrote our story, He already know each chapter, every letter on each delicate page of our lives and how they are going to unfold, I am gonna take a guess here and say that yes, yes He cares. Yes friends, He the One who created you wants you to take up business with Him. Ask Him about things in your life, ask him what is best for you, what path should you go down. Then WAIT to hear back. Are you always going to like the answers that you hear? Probably not. But let's think back to when our parents set out rules. I for certain know that I didn't always like the stuff that they told me, but I know that in general the stuff that they said was for my safety. God is much the same. He wants us to choose to seek Him to not try to do everything on our own. Not because He is a harsh and unloving God, but because He already has a plan for our life and would it not be better to just jump with both feet into that pool than timidly dip a toe in?

 

Maybe you are sitting there right now thinking, I agree with this... but clearly God gave us a body with all of the correct organs to be able to produce logical thought and think for our self so with that we should be able to make logical decisions and not make irrational ones based one the system "well God said so." I see the validity in this point. I have seen many instances where I myself have wondered, "wow. that seems crazy!"  or maybe you have stumbled onto this blog and are now thinking "Oh another one of those crazy Christians and their bandwagon adopting!"  I can see the validity in that too. Many of the people who think these things come from within the church or are other Christians. Most statements are well meaning, I have absolutely no doubt about that, but sting a bit at first non the less. So here is my take brains that we were so blessed with... Yes we have them. I know insightful isn't it. Yes we were given brains, that is great isn't it. But our brains are dying more and more every single day. You know what can grow more every day, your relationship with God. Why would I trust in something that is dying when I know that I can trust in a living God.

Now here is the next question I am sure many of you get, and quite honestly one I have asked myself. How do you know you heard God right? Well, some people- probably those way older and wiser than me- probably pick up on things super quick. I for example took about two years of praying and one year of I don't even know how to describe it praying and a whole bunch of stuff before I got it that yes we were supposed to go ahead and turn in our FC paperwork.  After that, things have begun to get a little easier. We are praying and in the word on a consistent basis, and have a peace about how our life is. I will do a whole other post on that later, but I will say it feel good to just know that God is in control of things.

Now here we are, we have obeyed again. One week ago, we received a call for a 13yr old. We prayed hard about it. VERY VERY hard. I can imagine everyone's reaction. Mine was the same, but hubby said this to me, " I just feel God saying what if this were my son. "  At this point he didn't know his name and I just started laughing, God has a way of speaking to us, grabbing our attention with humor. So I told him that he shares the same name as God's son. "funny God... Real funny." we continued to pray that night and the next day about it.  And well, have been very happy thus far. 

I like seeing what obeying looks like. I like how my children are getting to view what is like to watch their Mommy and Daddy obey what God wants. I LOVE that that language is a part of their everyday life. That we pray before we make a big decision. That if a kiddo is going to be coming in we are praying about it, and they know that. They know that God hears them when they pray. I just love that.

 

Obedience does not come naturally. It is a choice. You either choose to do it, or you choose not to do it. I believe that even as an adult when we choose not to obey God, we will have a consequence. He is a loving and just God. But when you have asked Him about something and received and answer, then do what you want anyways, that is just defiance. I choose to be both feet in for God. Always.



 

 

 

Dear visitors,

Hey everyone!!

I'm seeing lots of actions on the blog these days! Would love to know a bit about you:-) 

What brings you to my site?

Are you considering adoption? Foster care? Kinship care?

Do you have any questions? I am certainly not an expert! Just one Momma.    

A day in the life of fostercare

A day in the life of foster care is like spending a day on a rollercoaster. You are riding up filling with anticipation, filling with excitement, then you go swooshing down. Sometimes the down can be scary, sometimes it is exciting, sometimes it is both. Sometimes the whole ride is an entire let down, you stood in line for two hours waiting for an awesome ride only to be let down. Yep, folks that is the realistic vision of foster care. So why does anyone in their right mind do it. Because if everyone jumped off the ride at the slightest bump, jump, flip, and dip there would be no one left. And on every curve and topsy turve, we have a constant. We have God.

There is so much I want to say right here, I have typed deleted, typed again. The just of it is that Little C will not be joining us. Hopefully her Mom uses the opportunity to make great choices.

Did you say two 3 year olds?

Yes, yes I did. It looks as though we may be getting a placement this week. A three year old. So that would make TWO 3 year olds all up in this house. Did I just hear a collective gasp followed by a "Lady you must be cray!" That would indeed make our house: two 3yr olds, and 6,7,8 yr olds. When I think about it in my head I think, oh what is one more. When I say out loud 5 kids, I think who has 5 kids??? oh wait, yes YOU are about to. And we are excited about it. Nervously, excited. There is so much to do.

We have to flip flop the boys and girls rooms. Repaint both rooms, buy more girl clothes. Prepare the kids. When God has a plan, things just happen.

Lord I pray for this little Princess. Please prepare Princess C's heart, help us to comfort her as she mourns for the only constant that she has known and goes into territory that is unfamiliar to her. Give us the strength to guide her with safe and loving boundaries that she will need and the structure that she desires. Wrap up her little heart this week as she gets ready to come here and give the grownups around here the strength they need to say see you soon. Amen.

Baby O, let's get ready to meet your new buddy!

Filing out the paperwork!

So we actually have adoption paperwork in our hands. We have filled it out and are waiting on just another few pieces of info and then we send it in. Can I say how much I loved writing our names and her name. It just makes it so tangible. So real.

Child, we choose you. We love you. This might be a crazy roller coaster sometimes. But it is our crazy roller coaster, and we ride it together.

School and all like that

Soooooooo.....
Things have been major crazy because it is back to school craziness and Momma and Daddy have the "let's get everything tidy and organized-ish bug."  I have also had several other annoying bugs that include coughing, but we will skip over those and pretend they didn't happen.
School is going great. We are blessed with great teachers at our school and yes, I did handpick two of the three teachers. Hey, when ya can, why not! Lil' Miss is doing WONDERFUL so far in class. Her teacher this year is working with her and helping her to stay on track and on task. I am just so thankful for that.
The boys are doing well in school too and out of school. HN was just tested and proudly brought home a paper announcing that he is at a middle school reading level. Sweet kid, so excited he was. HW has been anxiously awaiting a play date with his buddy from school. They were in the same class last year and are together again. I am so happy to see his personality coming out at school. It is kinda funny to see him be shy at school when that is just so NOT how he normally it.

Baby O starts pre-school soon and can't wait. She is a big girl and does not like to be left out. Of anything.

I am staying busy with HFTF work. The conference is coming up and I am in charge of a few things with that. As well as Beautiful Baggage. That project has really taken off, and we are just in the infant stages of it. I am excited to watch it grow.

Today I spent the entire afternoon pickling. I made bread and butter pickles and I pickled peppers from out garden. I still have another afternoon, or two easily of work to do. But I need gloves. My hands hurt, actually hurt from the peppers.

My heart poured out.

The words just came flowing...

.



As Second Momma, and Forever Momma- and yes I am ok with both of those titles, I might not have carried her in my womb. But I carry many things... I carry her hand, her dollies, her dresses, and most importantly I carried her in my heart. As I was saying I have had to learn many things about the First Momma, many things that I hope can heal with time, change with time and for the better. For our daughter. I learned that sometimes I need to just stay quiet. Even when I think that I doing right by discussing things, it is not always right, because our realities are not the same. She lives in an alternate reality. Not like the oohh sci-fi kind. The choices she made kind. Her perception of life will never match with anyone's because responsibility will never be accepted. I know that I will never understand her situation. But I do understand how circumstances can bring a person to a point in their life. What I will never understand is not taking back control. When lives are on the line. Take back control, don't run away. First Mom, I supported your fight. I wanted you to have your happily ever after. After all, that is the way God intended it to be. But as humans we are allowed free will and your choices put us all here, and because my family chose to obey God's will I will not be beat with your words.
 I do have sympathy sweet First Mom. I can imagine how it must hurt to not have your kids in your arms, but this was not any of our faults and certainly not any of your kiddos. I have learned that sympathy can run low, like a stream or a creek or something. . I have learned that sometimes you have to speak up for injustice even to the people who were supposed to be helping. I have learned that almost anything you say can be turned around or completely twisted or even ignored and only one point focused on. I have cried tears of frustration, of sadness, of anger, of bitterness even. Why can't she understand? I am not trying to play anyone for the villain, in fact all of lil miss' memories of her first mommy are great- for the most part. And we focus on the great things. We also don't try to make it like she is not around anymore. Quite the contrary, we talk about her, tell her where she lives, about siblings.

.......Now here is where it gets real hard for me.

Real hard.

 I know we are going to provide updates and have a visit once a year. But this feeling that I have is something that I need to pray about. Something I need to release and give control over to God. I pray because of the momma-bearness of it. Because whether the feeling is just or not, I know I have to mellow out.

ok.

here goes...

I can't help but be totally offended when asked for more time or a phone call or this or that. Because my heart screams NO! You had 4 years couldn't you just do what they asked you to do!!??? You will not be the one here when she is waking up with a bad dream in the middle of the night- which she will my heart knows a visit is going to cause one. You are not the one who wipes away tears, bandages boo boo's and explains where her tummy mommy is.

So yes, this is the place my mind goes dear tummy mom, when you rage at me about your "rights" as her mother. About your  "unbreakable bond" that I need to accept.

 Because tummy mom, you are not here.

I am.
 I am here. Every day.

I chose to be here.
 Just like you chose to not be here.






This is one of the most real and hardest things to post. I read and re-read it. Wondered if I should delete it. But in the end I know that there are others out there in the same situation like me. You are not alone. And neither am I. I want to remember this stuff. It is hard. But I have God right beside me and my husband. I want to remember 10 years from now everything we have gone through. And some day, when Lil Miss asks hard questions, I want to give her answers.  Some. Day.

1 year and 1 week...

And how is Lil Miss doing? Well for those following who are not local she is doing good. Here we are 1 year and 1 week after she "came home"? I don't know what do foster/adopt people call it. I mean we knew we were going adopt her. So it wasn't a typical foster placement. But it isn't like with international kids where they call it a "gotcha day" where they pick them up from an orphanage. I suppose it was more like a "Welcome Home."

Today, a year later, she is far different. I know that in one year from now I will probably say the same thing. And I don't mean to say she is soooo different like she had all these changes that she needed to make because she was bad or something, just changes that she needed to go through. And I don't by any means think that she is done.
I honestly believe that many think that if a child goes to a home with a relative they think- oh all is well, child is with family. Life is good. That is far from the truth. That just means that family thinks they can be all up in your business more since they are all family! haha.
Lil Miss has come out of her shell this year, she smiles when a camera comes her way. Poses now. I just want to scream that from the mountains. SHE SMILES!!! One of my friends quietly mentioned that to me one day at church and I will never forget that moment. She said, do you just notice how she smiles at the camera, doesn't sheepily shy away. I did notice. I was happy about it, and her noticing meant the world to me. The world!

She is doing better in school. And I believe will continue to do better. From what I have seen this summer I believe with the right teacher she is going to flourish this year.

She is successful at an instrument and sport. She has never done either and tries hard at both. She sat in her room the other day and practiced on her own her violin for a half hour. I know it was that exact amount as I have been sick and had a headache. I wanted to say they could all have a freebie that day on their violin sticks. But away she went, on her own.

As I sit here and remember that day, a year ago when she came. We all made these silly little signs and hung them in the entry way. We kept one, it says "Welcome Back 'lil miss we love you!" In some ways I felt as if everything was comfortable, but in others I just knew that storm was about to hit. I knew that it couldn't be as good as it was right then. Children happily playing and giggling, all the adults smiling.  I just knew that this was not going to be it. And of course it wasn't. Someone, at some point had to say no. had to set boundaries, had to give expectations with follow through and love. Not just lavish. While I am sure some would expect one to say "oh I would never want to do that again..." I would. Everything I experienced with her has taught me something. You can pray in the midst of anything. You can choose any voice and any behavior you want. You can choose to set an example.  And that is the truth. This little girl has taught me so much this year. She has taught me about love, about patience, about hard truths, about healing, and about so much more that I don't know if I am ready to write about yet.

 

Dear Summer...

Dear Summer,
Where did you go? This has gone by so fast! So many things I have not had a chance to sit and write about...where to start??!!??
Let's start with today. Today I am getting over being sick. That is right folks, the person with the weakest immune system ever, got sick in the SUMMER. I am not talking about like 'oh I think I don't feel very good' kinda sick. I mean laying down, and down and out for days kinda sick. Luckily it butted up next to a weekend. Apparently there is something going around. In. The. Summer!!!
Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

So next, the kids- we have a new system for chore chart stuff. I call it chore jars. I am actually thinking about selling them, they work that well. And they are really cute. Anyways with the new system in place the kids are getting ready for set times for homework and school scheduling, their chores, etc. And they are earning money for saving, spending, and offering. So far so good. I will keep ya posted.
The girls are still doing cheer, though I did not realize how spendy it was. It is pretty steep. ugh.

This summer has been fun but flown by. It has been a summer of decisions too. And for that I am glad. It is always nice to have things decided upon.

Another thing we have been working on this summer is....
http://beautifulbaggageis613.blogspot.com/

Crazy times, just plain crazy...

How. Can I break this town simply...oh I know, a timeline list kinda dealy....enjoy. And ya I realize that isn't a real thing, it's been a loooong day.

June 27-july2 fun at beach
July 2-12th on a whim brought home teenage cousins for fun times, was a crazy week and a half, but fun. Mom was also here too:) oh also training during this time and several weeks prior for taking over office for MIL when she is on vacation.
July 15-19 working for mil whie family in town
July 29-2 working for MIL while they are out of town.

Needless to say in the midst of all of this there have been meltdowns by children and momma. Working for my MIL means staying at her casa and taking care of the family business office. It is handy to be able to stay here, but hard because at the end of a long  month the kids are getting feisty. Having to run to a quiet place saying the phone is ringing please be quite, is not an ideal workplace. Lol.
I would for sure do this for her anytime she is in a pinch, but I already to get back to my normal life. And whie I know normal life will nw include more kids from time to time, I'm down with that. We have made it through the first one, and the first no. And the second. That is right we have actually said no twice now. Just didn't seem like a god fit, and I did have a peace about going for it. Even if one was just for a weekend,
 I am excited to see what God has in store for us in the future.


Prayer request: patience for the rest of the week!
More importantly a young gal was injured in our town serving at a kids camp at our church. I know God hears our prayers so let's shout it out for her. She is severely injured. To find out about more ways to help please see a fb page called prayingforcassidy. Cassidy almquist is her name.
Also pray for the one involved in the accident this individual is obviously devastated. It is unfortunate for all involved and this persons life will never be the same either.

And just like that...

 

 

Just as quick as Baby T came in, he was gone again. While we were of course sad to see him go, we were happy for him too. Happy his Mommy was well enough to have him, and happy for him to get to be with her and have this chance.

My husband and I did not realize just how fast everything would happen. One moment I am at Lil Miss' birthday party, whooping it up, the next I am finding out I need to have all of his stuff packed by the next morning.

I hope I have made a good enough connection with this family that we will get to see how he is doing in the future, but I do know that this was a special case and not all cases and kids will be like this. Not all families will we get to meet so openly.

Baby T, we are praying for you guys.

Day 5

So you got a little blurp, then nothing... Dead air... Well that is because we are adjusting to baby life again. As you recall we have an 8 yr, almost 7, 6, and then 3 year old. So we have not had to wake up in the middle of the night lately. 

Mr. T is a sweet boy, one who needs a schedule a lil bit haha but still so sweet. His Momma is very friendly too. I can't say much but what I will say is to pray for  her and for her family.

My phone is about to die so I will leave you with this...

Our first placement ...

So we have our first placement! Mr.T we will call him on here. He is just precious:) his momma was quite brave. I don't think this is a usual situation, as she asked for help. So now friends I ask for your help! Let's join in prayer for this Momma and lil Mr.T!! Pray she gets the help she needs! And can focus on getting better.

Pictorial update

Life since TPR....

We lead a busy life around here. I think that God made each part of our personality as well as our body. Some of us like to be busy and doing things all the time and some like to lead a more restful and slower appoach to life. Neither one better, both just different. However, last year, because of epilepsy I was forced to take the slower road and learn to be ok with that. There are still things I am learning, but sometimes just having a slow day is great. I don't always have to be doing something. Which leads back to being busy. We are fairly busy, not NEARLY as much now that baseball is done, but in newer ways with the gym a new routine. I like this kind of busy though. It is a fun busy. Going here and there, piddling around and playing.
I have had many questions like, " so now that rights are terminated, is it all final then is she yours?" While I understand the question, we are still so far from that. From the legal aspect of her being ours. Also in this line of thinking I struggle within myself. Yes, she is ours, but she is also God's, and she was also someone else's little girl at one time too. But then I think again to myself, if I were ever in a situation like that I would have gone to the ends of the earth to retrieve my children. No mountain too high, no "stupid hoops" I wouldn't jump through. If I were told to run around singing mary had a little lamb through Pike's Place I would!!! ya know what I mean. When you are given all these opportunities and you dismiss them with nothing is ever your fault but always someone else's, it can tend to make a person less sympathetic toward you. What does that say of me? To have a calloused and cautious heart toward her. I don't know if that makes me wise to not be fooled knowing her ways, or harsh by not giving her more chances. With her for now, I feel like we have a big safety sign that says PROCEED WITH CAUTION. And quite honestly anyone else who chooses to just go for it with her is just looking for heartache. Her past behavior indicates this unfortunately.
 So legally after rights are terminated, we move to the adoptions department. And then wait some more. wait for the right people to get our files, and push it to the next set of people. Set up appointments for Little Miss, fill out more paperwork, and wait.
I am hoping that she will be adopted by the end of the year, that would be nice. But you just never know with the state.
Now as we said before we were opening our house to more foster kids. We are also in the wait mode for that. I think that it was important that we obeyed in a timely fashion with this, but ya know God may or may not have someone for us at this time. We just trust that everything goes according to His will. He has a plan for our lives and if we are walking with Him and trusting in Him then we know we are good no matter what happens:)

Wait. Pray. Obey.

So this morning I wanted to look back at a few of the verses that I had bookmarked during a bible study I had done during the 2011-2012 school year. This was an important bible study for me. I know that God was really working on my heart and my listening skills at this time. The study went through Esther, and if you know anything her she was adopted, by a relative. But more importantly the theme I was hearing throughout the study was..obey, be patient, obey.  Now if you know anything about me you know I am not super patient, I mean like if something exciting is happening I just am so excited I can't hardly wait. That kind of impatatient.
I can also have a tendancy to be a little scared or worried that it is too much of me and not enough HE. Second guessing things you could say. I still struggle with that a little, but to be honest stepping out like this still feels a little exciting/scary at the same time.

But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How it that you have no faith?”

 MArk 4:40 1/26/12

Yes, how can I have so little faith. I am not nearly alone. I have an awesome God who  has been faithful numerous times to help my scaredy cat self know that this is where he wants me. I have an amazing husband who has been walking this journey with me and SEEING the wonderful things God is doing with our lives.  And that is why I love this verse, it is a quick reminder, how on earth could I ever be afraid!! The SEAS obey HIM, the MOUNTAINS quake! Even if I am slightly apprehensive in obeying something my personal reasons are nothing compared to His commands. We must obey. And seriously if I told you some of the reasons why I was apprehensive about the next step coming up you would roll your eyes. Selfish, yep. that is me!

 

That leads us into THE NEXT STEP...

 

Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.”

Luke 1:45

OK, so this verse I noted at the end of 2011, also the beginning of, well of everything shall we say. As before noted I had received confirmation that we would be adopting before Sweet Hubby did and had to wait "ever so patiently" while he prayed. But fast forward to our licensing appt. we told our licensor we were only interested in be licensed for one right now. The one we were planning to adopt. Yes, you can have a baby in your room for up to a year, so we could have gotten licensed for two, but just didn't want to.  I can remember (and it turns out she did too) exactly what I said when asked about how many to be licensed for, " oh maybe in a few years or something, but not now! " - please insert wild laughter-

Now let's fast forward a bit more sweet little bro comes, room starts to be built for him, sweet bro goes, room goes on halt for awhile- we get it to the finishing point but at finishing you still need roughly several hundred bucks. Paint, carpet/tile, fixtures, inspections, etc.  Plan for the room goes from bro's room to sewing room of my wildest dreams and mudroom. Well here is where a series of events happen. I begin working at the schools more, therefore  coming across many kids in state care.  Now I really only worked at one school this past year but still came across several cases, then also came across others at other schools. One could expect this being a teacher, but on some level I don't really expect kids to talk to a sub about all of this. That isn't really something you just open up to a sub about. Here is where the turning point happened... I came home one day and was just sharing about my day at work with hubbypants. This day happened to be a very sad one as it involved a state kiddo, teen, who had to move because foster parents were ill. Well what I expected him to say was, "ya, that is really sad I hope they find her a home." I was thinking this really sucks for her cause she is going to have to change high schools again. Here is what he said..." well we DO have an extra room." Here is what I said, " ohemgee." Needless to say, the room did not get done as she had to be moved in like 3 days but it did start a move in our hearts. Let's fast forward to about three months after this. We know we are supposed to make that room a space for kids in need, but we need the supplies. So it is BBQ sunday at church the kids are playing in the bounce house and I am chatting with a friend. I mention I have to go and check mistints and see if there are any good deals to get the room painted she tells me, " I have a 5 gal of cream I am never using. You can have it." Well God ok,  sure there is one thing check. I had called around about carpet but one night hubby just stopped at a place and came home with a remnant piece that had stains-which are no problem for him- and it was only 30 bucks! He grabbed the lighting stuff the same night and that weekend the room was done. Which leads us to this week....

I know this has been long, but I want this for my own record to folks because GOD is really this AWESOME!!!

This week we had two inspections and now our home is coded, then the licensor from the state came last night and licensed us to foster...so now we wait. and pray. We wait for a call and we pray for discernment about allowing the right kiddo into the house. We know that we are in God's Will right now and we pray for continued protection for our family as we continue to obey.

 

what a year can bring...

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

Jeremiah 29:11

 

I sit here tonight thinking of just how much God has changed our lives in the last year. My husband and I were talking about this just the other Sunday in fact on the way to church. So much has changed and I truly believe that I can cling to verses like the one above.

 

Last year, at this time it had been two and half weeks since Aunt Kim had gone home to Jesus. I had only been home about one week. I was a mess. I still think maybe sometimes I am. Maybe sometimes it is easier to help others when somethings happens and shove down the pain that you feel. You know that knot that you feel in the back of your throat. Just swallow until it goes away, or tighten your jaw, and get through. Anyways, that had been a rough week not just for my extended family, but also for my little family. After being with my family for that week under such emotional stress it was painful to say goodbye, then on the way home we totaled our burb.

the entry after the crash...  if you click above that you will see a pic of our old burb. totaled.

 

So where am I now a year after my Aunt's death? I can say that I surely tell more people about melanoma, Emotionally, I am good. Every once in awhile a song will hit me in the face and choke me up, or I will see someone who looks like her. I often think of my cousin and pray she is doing well. I can only assume my pain is a mere fraction to hers. Or to even my Dad's as three boys lost their only sister.

 

A year ago we were still finishing up paperwork for a homestudy. We had taken PRIDE then sat on it. Not because we did not have room for a child, not because there was not a desire of sorts, but really just because we were not ready to Obey. God calls us to not only obey Him, but stand out for Him too. But He is a Gentleman. He gives us a choice, and He also gives some prodding as well I believe. He already knows the beginning from the end, so He must know our stubborn nature and knew that we would need a bit more than a gentle nudge. But here is the interesting thing about stubbornness, we found when under attack, which we believe losing family members and 2 seizures in like a 4 month span are- our stubbornness kicks right in, but to our advantage. We will not be shaken, we will not be moved. If this is what God wants for us, then this is where we will be.

In the past year we have had the ac in the house break twice, the car ac break once, have to get a new car, have to deal with slimy car dealer problems, figure out how to get the room that was started finished...I am sure I could think of several more but do you get the drift? Nudges, shoves, hints. Draw near to Me. Listen to what I have said. Yes, there you go. And when I look back at all of these, the thing I did the most was pray. Because here we are, one year later. Hubby has just installed the carpet that he got for 30 BUCKS, no I am not joking. A remnant with stains, but no problem for my carpet guy.  He painted the room with our free paint, and did the electrical. All that is left now is inspections. 2 from city and one from DSHS. I can honestly say I did not think this would happen this soon. But with God all things are possible. The one thing we have learned this year is that if God says go, we are just going to go. Not sit around and think about it for another  3 years. Just go. Oh yes, why are we having DSHS out to inspect the room? Well remember when sweet little brother lived here and we were building a room for him. We just finished it. After he left, it was planned to be an awesome mudroom and sewing room. Long story short we have decided to start doing a bit of foster care. This is also something I didn't think that I would be saying for awhile. But here we are, and He is with us, and it is awesome :)

 

As I end this weird little rambling jumbling mess I am drawn back to the verse that started it. HE has always known the thoughts and plans for me and for YOU. He knows my story, He is the author of our sweet little family book and I am happy to be a part of it.  I am ready to watch things unfold. I look forward to a future in the book that He writes for our family.

Legally Free

What more is there to say... but to breathe. I am both happy, but saddened for my cousin at the same time. Most importantly I am glad for permanacy and stability for these kiddos.

There is more to write but baby o is sitting on my lap making it hard and i prefer snuggling over writing so it will have to wait!

peace out!

Happily at Home

TOday I am at home. I am watching Baby O chase her cousin A around trying to make him super A. He is unimpressed. So she is now the super hero, and he has the purse. I just confiscated a super sippy that was being used in mischevious ways. And while I am supposed to be figuring out what I am making for dinner. I am not. I do think it will involve rice somehow,  maybe. I don't know. Tonight is baseball practice annd whatever I do needs to be made quick and eaten quick. haha.

So where are we this wild ride? Well hopefully all goes well at the hearing today and Little Miss will be legally free, or one step closer. I believe there is a waiting period or something, as always we are just finding out everything at the time it is happening. Please note that when I say hopefully I do not take lightly the circumstances here. Obviously it would have been best for all the children to go back with their birth parents. However, there was no way for them to be with both sets of parents at the same time due to multiple fathers, but it still would have been best if they had gone back with their mother. I am saddened it didn't work that way, but that was by her choosing. Not the state, not the family, there is no one to blame but her. Because in her r eality she is a wonderful parent. It honestly pains me to see her this way because I know that she could be a wonderful mom, she has things gripping her.

While I am on this subject briefly I saw something this morning that sickened me. And I feel the need to speak about it. While I for sure know the faults of our foster care system, and I would love to see things change. I am also saddened when people accuse all foster parents of "being there for the money" and saying that everyone is bad. That CPS steals kids just to adopt them out and make money. That is disgusting. Those who have that oppinion obviously have not done their research. Foster Parents are not "getting paid" they are being reimbursed for another body to feed and take care of. Lessons, sports, clothes, dances, etc. And the notion that CPS swoops in and steals children to adopt out is totally absurd. Someone must have several reports for someone to even start checking, let alone to have their children taken away! Then to get to the point of being legally free is AT LEAST TWO YEARS but usually more like FOUR. People who enter into the FC system to care for these kids KNOW that they have no hope of adopting a baby. Or even a younger child. Those cases are few and far between. I know that there are horror stories but use your brains people, Media loves to report things that will grip you. How often do you hear about the heart warming, or average everyday things on the news. People that are minding their business, taking care of their children or the children of others, going to sporting events, making dinner. That is not newsworthy. So only the bad stuff sticks with people.

ok, I really didn't mean to go on a long rant, but thing I came across this morning just really tipped the scales. I hear this kind of thing all the time. About how FC parents are so awful and they only want money and anybody could be one yadda yadda yadda.

Back here in our home things are going wonderful, just day to day business as usual. Running to sports, cleaning. I suppose I am procrastinating a bit because I do have a ton of laundry to do and I want to reorganize the kitchen a little bit but look I am finding something else to do instead.

I am also in the process of setting up appts. for Little Miss. I don't know what I can and can't say about all of that stuff. privacy or whatever, but I do have to have somethings checked out.
Also a big deal for me what starting the beautiful baggage program. Along with that I orignally reset this blog back to private. Honestly for fear of my family. Ya just never know what they will say or not say, how they will respond to certain things. But then I realized, if I am going to stand out and be bold for what God has called us to do, I must be bold with all areas. Even a simple little blog. If they don't like how I feel. Then too bad I suppose. It won't be the first time this past year someone has not liked my view point! We know that we are doing what God has called us to do and that friends and family is all that matters. We hope people will stand by us, but all we need is God.

Red oak

Dear Red Oak Texas,
Who are you?? I am just So curious:) you are frequent visitor :) please share about yourself!

Just an update.

Today is Mother's Day. I am feeling very blessed. I am a wife to an amazing husband, who just purchased me the juicer of my dreams! I am a Momma to FOUR amazing children. I am a sub teacher, and have found a new passion for youth. God has done some wonderful things this year.
Here is a little update on our house...
We have chickens! 11, none died  as we thought they might. haha. So backyard fresh eggs will be coming our way.

School is coming to an end soon, which means SUMMER FUN!!

And most importantly it looks as though may be heading towards the adoption department soon!!!

PRAISE JESUS!!!

We also just passed the one year anniversary of my Aunt's death, this I will need a whole seperate post as I know I will need some time for it.

We are also finding ourselves becoming more involved in the orphan ministry and the youth ministry. It is wonderful.
Please check out:
http://beautifulbaggageis613.blogspot.com/

Waiting always waiting...

Right now I'm administering a state test. I know I am very busy. Ya know what, during that sentence I just woke a kid up who was sleeping and handed gummy worms out to keep them going. Had I realized that they were testing today I would have brought fiber bars. Oh well.
I have learned a lot this year.
1. I love teaching. And not just teaching. But teaching middle school.
2. I love teaching in resource rooms.
3. I am looking forward to having my own class one day.
4. I love watching my kiddos at gymnastics and baseball .that is serious entertainment right there.
5. I am ALWAYS learning to be more patient. Always.
6. My attitude is a choice and I need to be better about making a better choice. I need to make sure that I am showing a grouchy 'tude just because I feel grouchy. Jesus does not so that to me, I need to try not to get grumpy with them.
7. Be better at saying something once and following with a consequence. That will lessen grumpiness. Lol
8. I need more time alone with my husband!
9. I need more time with my God!
10. Laughter . Laughing always makes me feel great. Laughing at everything. God is funny sometimes. And I love that He knows that we have to laugh.

This post was going to be about how we are in a holding spot right now. Waiting for another hearing later this month and how we really know nothing til then. But look what it turned into :)
I think I will keep it;)