what a year can bring...

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

Jeremiah 29:11

 

I sit here tonight thinking of just how much God has changed our lives in the last year. My husband and I were talking about this just the other Sunday in fact on the way to church. So much has changed and I truly believe that I can cling to verses like the one above.

 

Last year, at this time it had been two and half weeks since Aunt Kim had gone home to Jesus. I had only been home about one week. I was a mess. I still think maybe sometimes I am. Maybe sometimes it is easier to help others when somethings happens and shove down the pain that you feel. You know that knot that you feel in the back of your throat. Just swallow until it goes away, or tighten your jaw, and get through. Anyways, that had been a rough week not just for my extended family, but also for my little family. After being with my family for that week under such emotional stress it was painful to say goodbye, then on the way home we totaled our burb.

the entry after the crash...  if you click above that you will see a pic of our old burb. totaled.

 

So where am I now a year after my Aunt's death? I can say that I surely tell more people about melanoma, Emotionally, I am good. Every once in awhile a song will hit me in the face and choke me up, or I will see someone who looks like her. I often think of my cousin and pray she is doing well. I can only assume my pain is a mere fraction to hers. Or to even my Dad's as three boys lost their only sister.

 

A year ago we were still finishing up paperwork for a homestudy. We had taken PRIDE then sat on it. Not because we did not have room for a child, not because there was not a desire of sorts, but really just because we were not ready to Obey. God calls us to not only obey Him, but stand out for Him too. But He is a Gentleman. He gives us a choice, and He also gives some prodding as well I believe. He already knows the beginning from the end, so He must know our stubborn nature and knew that we would need a bit more than a gentle nudge. But here is the interesting thing about stubbornness, we found when under attack, which we believe losing family members and 2 seizures in like a 4 month span are- our stubbornness kicks right in, but to our advantage. We will not be shaken, we will not be moved. If this is what God wants for us, then this is where we will be.

In the past year we have had the ac in the house break twice, the car ac break once, have to get a new car, have to deal with slimy car dealer problems, figure out how to get the room that was started finished...I am sure I could think of several more but do you get the drift? Nudges, shoves, hints. Draw near to Me. Listen to what I have said. Yes, there you go. And when I look back at all of these, the thing I did the most was pray. Because here we are, one year later. Hubby has just installed the carpet that he got for 30 BUCKS, no I am not joking. A remnant with stains, but no problem for my carpet guy.  He painted the room with our free paint, and did the electrical. All that is left now is inspections. 2 from city and one from DSHS. I can honestly say I did not think this would happen this soon. But with God all things are possible. The one thing we have learned this year is that if God says go, we are just going to go. Not sit around and think about it for another  3 years. Just go. Oh yes, why are we having DSHS out to inspect the room? Well remember when sweet little brother lived here and we were building a room for him. We just finished it. After he left, it was planned to be an awesome mudroom and sewing room. Long story short we have decided to start doing a bit of foster care. This is also something I didn't think that I would be saying for awhile. But here we are, and He is with us, and it is awesome :)

 

As I end this weird little rambling jumbling mess I am drawn back to the verse that started it. HE has always known the thoughts and plans for me and for YOU. He knows my story, He is the author of our sweet little family book and I am happy to be a part of it.  I am ready to watch things unfold. I look forward to a future in the book that He writes for our family.

Legally Free

What more is there to say... but to breathe. I am both happy, but saddened for my cousin at the same time. Most importantly I am glad for permanacy and stability for these kiddos.

There is more to write but baby o is sitting on my lap making it hard and i prefer snuggling over writing so it will have to wait!

peace out!

Happily at Home

TOday I am at home. I am watching Baby O chase her cousin A around trying to make him super A. He is unimpressed. So she is now the super hero, and he has the purse. I just confiscated a super sippy that was being used in mischevious ways. And while I am supposed to be figuring out what I am making for dinner. I am not. I do think it will involve rice somehow,  maybe. I don't know. Tonight is baseball practice annd whatever I do needs to be made quick and eaten quick. haha.

So where are we this wild ride? Well hopefully all goes well at the hearing today and Little Miss will be legally free, or one step closer. I believe there is a waiting period or something, as always we are just finding out everything at the time it is happening. Please note that when I say hopefully I do not take lightly the circumstances here. Obviously it would have been best for all the children to go back with their birth parents. However, there was no way for them to be with both sets of parents at the same time due to multiple fathers, but it still would have been best if they had gone back with their mother. I am saddened it didn't work that way, but that was by her choosing. Not the state, not the family, there is no one to blame but her. Because in her r eality she is a wonderful parent. It honestly pains me to see her this way because I know that she could be a wonderful mom, she has things gripping her.

While I am on this subject briefly I saw something this morning that sickened me. And I feel the need to speak about it. While I for sure know the faults of our foster care system, and I would love to see things change. I am also saddened when people accuse all foster parents of "being there for the money" and saying that everyone is bad. That CPS steals kids just to adopt them out and make money. That is disgusting. Those who have that oppinion obviously have not done their research. Foster Parents are not "getting paid" they are being reimbursed for another body to feed and take care of. Lessons, sports, clothes, dances, etc. And the notion that CPS swoops in and steals children to adopt out is totally absurd. Someone must have several reports for someone to even start checking, let alone to have their children taken away! Then to get to the point of being legally free is AT LEAST TWO YEARS but usually more like FOUR. People who enter into the FC system to care for these kids KNOW that they have no hope of adopting a baby. Or even a younger child. Those cases are few and far between. I know that there are horror stories but use your brains people, Media loves to report things that will grip you. How often do you hear about the heart warming, or average everyday things on the news. People that are minding their business, taking care of their children or the children of others, going to sporting events, making dinner. That is not newsworthy. So only the bad stuff sticks with people.

ok, I really didn't mean to go on a long rant, but thing I came across this morning just really tipped the scales. I hear this kind of thing all the time. About how FC parents are so awful and they only want money and anybody could be one yadda yadda yadda.

Back here in our home things are going wonderful, just day to day business as usual. Running to sports, cleaning. I suppose I am procrastinating a bit because I do have a ton of laundry to do and I want to reorganize the kitchen a little bit but look I am finding something else to do instead.

I am also in the process of setting up appts. for Little Miss. I don't know what I can and can't say about all of that stuff. privacy or whatever, but I do have to have somethings checked out.
Also a big deal for me what starting the beautiful baggage program. Along with that I orignally reset this blog back to private. Honestly for fear of my family. Ya just never know what they will say or not say, how they will respond to certain things. But then I realized, if I am going to stand out and be bold for what God has called us to do, I must be bold with all areas. Even a simple little blog. If they don't like how I feel. Then too bad I suppose. It won't be the first time this past year someone has not liked my view point! We know that we are doing what God has called us to do and that friends and family is all that matters. We hope people will stand by us, but all we need is God.

Red oak

Dear Red Oak Texas,
Who are you?? I am just So curious:) you are frequent visitor :) please share about yourself!

Just an update.

Today is Mother's Day. I am feeling very blessed. I am a wife to an amazing husband, who just purchased me the juicer of my dreams! I am a Momma to FOUR amazing children. I am a sub teacher, and have found a new passion for youth. God has done some wonderful things this year.
Here is a little update on our house...
We have chickens! 11, none died  as we thought they might. haha. So backyard fresh eggs will be coming our way.

School is coming to an end soon, which means SUMMER FUN!!

And most importantly it looks as though may be heading towards the adoption department soon!!!

PRAISE JESUS!!!

We also just passed the one year anniversary of my Aunt's death, this I will need a whole seperate post as I know I will need some time for it.

We are also finding ourselves becoming more involved in the orphan ministry and the youth ministry. It is wonderful.
Please check out:
http://beautifulbaggageis613.blogspot.com/

Waiting always waiting...

Right now I'm administering a state test. I know I am very busy. Ya know what, during that sentence I just woke a kid up who was sleeping and handed gummy worms out to keep them going. Had I realized that they were testing today I would have brought fiber bars. Oh well.
I have learned a lot this year.
1. I love teaching. And not just teaching. But teaching middle school.
2. I love teaching in resource rooms.
3. I am looking forward to having my own class one day.
4. I love watching my kiddos at gymnastics and baseball .that is serious entertainment right there.
5. I am ALWAYS learning to be more patient. Always.
6. My attitude is a choice and I need to be better about making a better choice. I need to make sure that I am showing a grouchy 'tude just because I feel grouchy. Jesus does not so that to me, I need to try not to get grumpy with them.
7. Be better at saying something once and following with a consequence. That will lessen grumpiness. Lol
8. I need more time alone with my husband!
9. I need more time with my God!
10. Laughter . Laughing always makes me feel great. Laughing at everything. God is funny sometimes. And I love that He knows that we have to laugh.

This post was going to be about how we are in a holding spot right now. Waiting for another hearing later this month and how we really know nothing til then. But look what it turned into :)
I think I will keep it;)