Last day of February ...

Today is the last day of February. Little Miss has been with us six months and some change and my there sure are some differences. Great ones. Not to say that everything is peachy keen and we are all bonded together as one big happy family, but progress for sure. And to that I praise Jesus.

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let you light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify you Father in heaven."

As husband and wife we have been driven to the verse many a time for many different reasons. From why we choose to keep our kids in public school to why chose to adopt, to even we chose domestic adoption. I am sure we will rest back upon it when one day we foster. God calls us to be a light, each of us have a different way that we shine but we are still to shine. If we hide our lights away, "protecting " them, how is that glorifying to our Heavenly Father? Hasn't He called us all to shine out loud for him? Not just quietly or comfortably in your church bubble where everyone knows you love Jesus. What about your neighbor, the school down the road, the kids playing outside. I suppose being in the schools allows me to see such a great need that most people can shut their eyes to. Ignore and pretend that they don't see. Some of these kids have homes, some are in foster care, some homes aren't super great. And they yearn for more. Rise up church. Take care of God's kids! Volunteer with a youth group at a local school see how you can get involved!

Soooo... I totally didn't plan on that paragraph above being in here, but maybe God has a plan for it. That is how He seems to work:)

Anyways, little miss is doing great. We have no word yet about when our adoption will be finalized. As always, hurry up and wait is the name of e game around here. We have one session left with our amazing counselor and then that will be done. Today the kids have violin lessons, and thus starts a busy spring!

One thing I want to note so I don't forget is how well Little Miss is doing with being redirected with her control/ bossiness. She has been known to like to control a room. Lol tell everyone exactly how to pickup and what to do, and well you can imagine that the boys only let that go on for so long before they told her " um.. You're not the boss of me." Haha. Well whenever any of our kids do this we tell em, " whose body are you in control of?" This didn't used to work with her as she would try to argue her way out of it. But now she is taking the cue and thinking and correcting on her own! I am so proud of her!!!

Big sister

I just love little miss' big sister. I have been thinking about her a ton lately. Wondering if she would have wanted to live here with us. But when all of this went down we all really though that this was the best for each child. They would each have their individual needs met. I suppose if one day she wants to come here she will let us know. For now I am happy to be there whenever she needs. I just love the sweet young lady :)
I pray she gets all her needs met and more Lord.

Reminded

While I am upset that certain members of my family keep being just plain mean, God is sweet to remind me of the verse he gave me on sat. He knew more trials were headed my way and that I need to count it all as joy. Joy, everlasting joy is the theme He is teaching is. Fall and call to Him.
So Lord, I give this situation to you. All of it. You know everything that is going on right now. It is Yours. Let your will be done.


My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. (James 1:2-8 NKJV)

Family feuds...

As previously mentioned I said it would be much easier to adopt someone who was a non family member than one who was. I stand by that conclusion. I have had nothing but a rude barrage of assaults from some family when this is supposed to be a happy time in my family. It makes want to not be around them! I keep turning the other cheek only to keep getting slapped.
I want people to remember that blood is not the end all be all of family! Blood is just a name. The people who we live with, who take care of us, that is our family. I am tired of people putting a higher placement on some kids over others. That is mean. Think of children who are adopted from overseas. Should we get all bent out of shape tht they are not having contact with their birth siblings? No their family is their family. That is that. Why do we place such high importance on blood in America. Blood is what orphaned them. Would I love to be getting together at family functions, yea sure.
Would I love to have some of the siblings to visit!
Without a doubt!
But ya know what makes me leery about family? Some of the people in it. People who can't get over themselves, and keep trying to make things hard for my little family. Just leave us alone already. Please. I won't subject my children to such vileness.

First mom on my mind....

We are having a little visit this weekend. Little Miss' sister(14) is here visiting along with my other cousin (12). Whoever thinks that having everything "all in the family" is the easier way to go when navigating the state system is an idiot. It is not easy. Not at all. Strangers have no emotional ties previous to entering the case...family does. I DO feel like I lost my cousin (first mommy) and even more hurtful, by her own choice. She could call and talk to me if she wanted and I would gladly update her, I do however think that Little Miss is not ready to talk with her. One day, yes. Today is not that day.
I wish I could find a way to express everything to sweet sister, help her understand that we are not trying to take her away. Just add. We were given the gift of another daughter and we take that seriously, we would love for her to feel cozy too. 14 is such a hard age and had her momma been able to get it together she would have been a good mom. I can understand that she must mourn for that loss.
I started this post the first day that they were here.i felt that the weekend went well. But at the same time like I was kind of walking on egg shells. Plus little miss was acting just odd. Like she was trying to show off or something. Not being her normal self. It was very weird. I was glad to have this time with both girls so that big sister could see that we are just a normal home. Not trying to steal anything away from her or first mom, just moving forward. By the end of the visit, while I was happy with it, I feel as though big sis is still desperately trying to hold on to her fragmented family. I get that. Heck I might even do the same if in her situation. I just hope at she can eventually realize that we are a family too.
Then it happen... First mom had her 4th baby, causing even more drama. As always she will have the chance to raise this one. Each child is treated as a different case. I hope for her, that she is clean. She deserves a chance at a happy life and I hope she gets it. But that will be up to her, she needs to make better choices in her life.

More activity.

There sure has been more activity since going public. Please feel free to leave a comment. I hope The Lord blesses you on your journey.
><> Momma L

Business as usual

I mentioned before about the art of dealing with sw-ers. And some are great and some, we have been blessed to get an adoption sw that is just wonderful! One who actually cares about the interest of the child. What most people don't realize is that it is a sw'ers job to be concerned about reunifying the parent with the child. They are to only switch gears to permanent placement after the allotted time goes by. 2 year in wa state by the way. But here is the thing, some sw'ers are not able to switch gears, or maybe they are just so ready to be done with your case by the time it gets to you (adopted) parent, that they are ready to do anything and everything to get it off of their load as quick as possible.
We are experiencing this. I won't go into specific details right now, but if you have questions about the process please contact me and I will be happy to share with you.
On a positive note.... We have an amazing adoption sw. This woman has just shed so much light into our darken path. At times it has felt like we walked a road without knowing where the next step would be, counting on the help of someone only looking out for their own interests. Now we have someone who shares our same goals, the best interest for our family.
Today Lord, I thank you for your timing, and for covering us with an amazing licensor, and amazing adoption social worker. Amen.

Spring fever...

This week is a busy week. Today was the girls first time to gymnastics. They had a great time. Jumping, tumbling, flipping, and balancing...what's not to love?
While I was there with the girls Daddy had the boys at the bating cage next door. Baseball starts soon. It's will be our second year coaching and we are so excited!
Also on the lineup is violin lessons those start this week as well! Soooo busy! And so fun! I just love the hustle and the bustle of a busy house:)

going public

Well I have thrown the idea of taking my blog of the private setting for awhile now. But I will admit that fear has been what has kept me back.
Fear of particular family members seeing my most intimate thoughts- concerning the adoption.
Fear of sharing more of myself as in being put out there where just anyone could search and find me.
And then I realized, this, dear Momma, is not about you. It is about God. It is about what God is doing in your life and why should you not rest all of your self on Him. Don't just lean on Him when you get tired, lay there! Snuggled up and nestled in you Daddy's lap. I can't think of a better way to describe what he wants for all of us and I need to remember that kind of faith as we are walking through this and as I struggle with all of these challenges.

Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV)

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."

 

I want to seek whatever God has for me and I want to have faith that is pleasing to Him. The hubs and I know that whatever God's plans are going to be are so much better than our own if we can just. let. go.

So even for me, if that means letting this go public, I am feeling a peace about it now. If you would have asked me a month ago I would have said no way. I just know that there is a need for more information out there. Whether it is another Momma sharing her journey or local info, I can't deny when I have been uproached twice in one week looking for more information about foster and foster adoption.

So Lord, I give even my piddely little blog to You. Please use it to glorify You.

 

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Rom 8:28

New to the blog....

Haven't ever been here before?  Click here and see where things got started. It is fun to look back, because just as I thought a door was being closed God was molding and shaping the way He wanted me. Do this... Now this... When I ask...Not yet...Now... Go... Everything in time. Everything in time.

Home today!

The past few weeks I have been working almost at a full time schedule which has been a very different shift for our little family, but today I didn't get a sub job so I am sitting here with Baby O sipping coffee and relaxing while a load of pee laundry is in the wash. The house has been straighten and I think I will make Daddy some chocolate balls today. He hinted in a not so subtle way, " hey hon, it would be great if you made me some chocolate balls!" baaahahaha. It has been pretty fun working. It is nice for me to see what I like and what I don't like so that when I am ready to go back to work I know. I think that I middle school or alternative ed will be where I end up. :)

I am glad to be home today for another reason too, I have a few things that just need to get done, like ordering valentine's for the kids and make the chore/rule center on the new board. yes, the little things excite me. And taking pictures on the computer with  Baby O.

It's gonna be a good day today, ya know why? Cause Baby O told me I look just like Marina, the  red headed chick on The Fresh Beat Band. Must be the wavy look I'm sporting today. I will take the compliment though, that is  a cute young gal.

Happy Monday Peeps.

Faces of Adoption - Featuring Matthew West (One Less)

Just love this song. That's all.

Musings of Frusteration and Agitation

I would love to just be writing whisperings of rainbows and fluffy kittens, but folks that ain't adoption. Whether you are inter. or dom. that just ain't it. And we knew this all ready, we really did, but that doesn't make the situations that pop up any less surprising or irritating.
Since we are adopting domestically I will speak to that....

I am sitting here trying to think of a way to lead into what I want to say, but there just is no easy way to say it.
I know that there are some great social workers out there, I know this because I have come in contact with them. But the one that I deal with mainly is causing much grief. This is hard to write about because I know that I have to be vague to some degree, but I also just need to write, to breathe. I wish that this woman could see us, like physically see us. See what goes on here. She needs to actually as it is sort of her job. But instead she has someone from this side of the mountains visit.  (let's not even get started on how we are so far away for people because we live over here...) She sits and casts her opinion on us, tells me what we should be doing for visitation once termination has been made, and listening to lies of others.
I just don't understand this lady, we have done everything that she asked, jumped through every hoop given. Why is she, and apparently someone else trying to stir the pot?
While I am typing this I wonder while I complain and whine, could I look at this differently? Instead of this just being more annoying junk, and really I do think that, trust me ask my sister you didn't want to talk to me on Thursday. But could this be more of a refining? I know I am a far cry from where the Lord would have me. Sure I answered His desire, I willing bent to His call. But how long did it take to answer to one thing? The answer, my friends and family is over a year. About a year from the day I received the verse above we received another daughter. Shouldn't I be willing to just jump when the Lord calls us to? I mean yes we pray for confirmation, but otherwise we go.
I have also seen lots of ways that I could be refined on a daily basis through this, that I need to be kept on my knees more- and first, patience, quietness, calmness. Enjoying the smallest blessings along with the biggest.
....I don't know how I got off on such a tangent when talking about social workers, but welcome to my head! Anyways, back to what I was originally saying...I am just not sure what to do about her or really if there is anything to do. I think that we just have to stick to our guns about our desires for our family and go from there. And what is more uneasy is the feeling that some of my most loved family could just so easily turn on me. Ok, granted, I don't know this for fact. But I sure don't know what else it could be. I just don't know. Here I am speaking of specific incident, but in general there has been some people who I can say I won't win a popularity contest any time soon with. haha. I don't understand why things like that happen, all I know is that I am a Daughter of a King, a Wife, a Momma, a Sister, an Aunt, a Daughter... and if people can't join in the happiness as we follow the Lord then all I can do is pray. I can't say that it doesn't hurt. It does. It hurts when you feel judged by someone who does not know you, and it hurts worse when you feel slighted by someone who does. But what can I do but move on.
This post has been kind of the ramblings of my heart over the past week or so, if you made it through, congrats. I am not going to read back through it, I am just going to post it.

Hey Dad,

Right this moment my house is filled with smells of total and complete tasty junk food, despite the fact that we have gone organic. Super bowl is the exception I guess.
I am also trying to walk through how to set up a google account so that he can see my blog, for his class. He is getting frus.er.ated. dot com.... I am feeling all kinds of giggly about this. I am also enjoying writing about it:) Hey dad.
hehehehehe I love you