what a year can bring...

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

Jeremiah 29:11

 

I sit here tonight thinking of just how much God has changed our lives in the last year. My husband and I were talking about this just the other Sunday in fact on the way to church. So much has changed and I truly believe that I can cling to verses like the one above.

 

Last year, at this time it had been two and half weeks since Aunt Kim had gone home to Jesus. I had only been home about one week. I was a mess. I still think maybe sometimes I am. Maybe sometimes it is easier to help others when somethings happens and shove down the pain that you feel. You know that knot that you feel in the back of your throat. Just swallow until it goes away, or tighten your jaw, and get through. Anyways, that had been a rough week not just for my extended family, but also for my little family. After being with my family for that week under such emotional stress it was painful to say goodbye, then on the way home we totaled our burb.

the entry after the crash...  if you click above that you will see a pic of our old burb. totaled.

 

So where am I now a year after my Aunt's death? I can say that I surely tell more people about melanoma, Emotionally, I am good. Every once in awhile a song will hit me in the face and choke me up, or I will see someone who looks like her. I often think of my cousin and pray she is doing well. I can only assume my pain is a mere fraction to hers. Or to even my Dad's as three boys lost their only sister.

 

A year ago we were still finishing up paperwork for a homestudy. We had taken PRIDE then sat on it. Not because we did not have room for a child, not because there was not a desire of sorts, but really just because we were not ready to Obey. God calls us to not only obey Him, but stand out for Him too. But He is a Gentleman. He gives us a choice, and He also gives some prodding as well I believe. He already knows the beginning from the end, so He must know our stubborn nature and knew that we would need a bit more than a gentle nudge. But here is the interesting thing about stubbornness, we found when under attack, which we believe losing family members and 2 seizures in like a 4 month span are- our stubbornness kicks right in, but to our advantage. We will not be shaken, we will not be moved. If this is what God wants for us, then this is where we will be.

In the past year we have had the ac in the house break twice, the car ac break once, have to get a new car, have to deal with slimy car dealer problems, figure out how to get the room that was started finished...I am sure I could think of several more but do you get the drift? Nudges, shoves, hints. Draw near to Me. Listen to what I have said. Yes, there you go. And when I look back at all of these, the thing I did the most was pray. Because here we are, one year later. Hubby has just installed the carpet that he got for 30 BUCKS, no I am not joking. A remnant with stains, but no problem for my carpet guy.  He painted the room with our free paint, and did the electrical. All that is left now is inspections. 2 from city and one from DSHS. I can honestly say I did not think this would happen this soon. But with God all things are possible. The one thing we have learned this year is that if God says go, we are just going to go. Not sit around and think about it for another  3 years. Just go. Oh yes, why are we having DSHS out to inspect the room? Well remember when sweet little brother lived here and we were building a room for him. We just finished it. After he left, it was planned to be an awesome mudroom and sewing room. Long story short we have decided to start doing a bit of foster care. This is also something I didn't think that I would be saying for awhile. But here we are, and He is with us, and it is awesome :)

 

As I end this weird little rambling jumbling mess I am drawn back to the verse that started it. HE has always known the thoughts and plans for me and for YOU. He knows my story, He is the author of our sweet little family book and I am happy to be a part of it.  I am ready to watch things unfold. I look forward to a future in the book that He writes for our family.