Dear First Mom,

As I sit here tonight this is the only person on my mind. Her and God.  God first because I have spent most the evening in silent prayer, and her because she is the reason I have been praying. I also wonder do I want to publish this post or just type it out for my own personal story for later in life. I just don't know. Because this is "all in the family" so to speak, it sure does give things a different flavor that had I been asked "where do you expect you will be with adoption" a few months ago, I never would have thought here. God is so much mightier than us, and when we are willing to obey we know things will be great.  Now why am I thinking about the first mom you ask?? Well because the first mom has left the first scars. Emotional scars that I know nothing about....

Dear First Mom,
We were once the best of friends. We played together, we were mermaids on the beach, we made treasure maps together. We layed a mattress outside your deck and jumped off because the older kids did and it was fun. We heard scary stories together, we had hunted Easter eggs together. Once, first mom, you told me you were having a baby. You were so young, we were so young. You would keep her, she grew into a precious young woman. First mom, you moved, had more children things seemed better for you. The shell of the girl I knew that left seemed better, maybe. Until you came back. What happened to you first mom? What did you do? Why did you do what you did? As mother's we are given these babies to protect, love, take care of. How could you NOT??!!!??? I understand, that things play their role, I do. But will you ever understand what you have done. I don't think you will and let me explain why... you will never see my daughter crying and having a fit over the simplest of tasks, and for what reason? I don't know. I simply asked. Maybe she doesn't trust yet, it must be hard, you, first mom, lied to her so many times. So how is she to know that the second and final mom will not lie to her. That when I say I am not going anywhere and neither is she that I what I mean. You will never be here to help her work through her issues of learning to find her way into family life, learning to follow rules, learning what natural consequences means, learning to trust. You won't see as she grows in the Lord, which is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Or her first dance recital or sports event. You also don't see as she asks about you, first mom. Where you are, if I know you, if I like you. It is heartbreaking as I smile at her and tell her just how lucky she is to have a mom that grew her in her tummy and another one to take care of her. And yes, I love her first mom and dad because they made her. But first mom, do I like you right now. no. Do I tell sweet daughter...never. One day she will form her own opinions about you, that is not for me to make. That is for her and her alone. I am her to love her and guide her. To be her Momma. Finally, first mom, please don't find us or ever call. The damage you have done to our daughter we will be trying to heal for some time so please just stay away. I thank you for her life, as we are grateful to have her in our family. But I am sure you need to work on you, not coming into the lives of already hurt children and dropping more bombs for people to clean up. I do pray you actually get the help you need at some point before it is too late.
Second Momma

If I ever wrote a letter it would go something like that. I am a sinner just like all of you and I am honest. This is honestly where I am on that subject. I honestly pray that if first mom just randomly appeared on my doorstep that hubby would be home. There are not many things that make me loose my cool, but when it comes to my kids, that would be one. I believe people use the term MommaBear. And I guess if I am going to be totally honest here and share my totally stinky heart, a small piece of me hopes hubby wouldn't be here if she ever showed. I know, I really do know how bad that sounds. I know you are all probably sitting there in shock. But isn't it better to be honest? Even if you don't like the sound of what it is.

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

 Romans 12:10-14

 

As I look at this verse this morning I would like to say that I am kind to others, not lagging when it comes to serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, pray steadfastly, have hospitality and that I bless those who persecute me. BUT..... I def. do not do all of those things. In fact being patient is a down right struggle for me. Always has been. And while I would like to think I am a kind gal, I have some feelings toward a certain gal that if we were ever put together I just pray that God could control because I honestly don't know that I could. You see, raw truth, stinky and raw. I imagine God will change that one day, but as of now that is where that is... more on that later.

 

 

Now on to some updates, since I haven't done that in awhile....

 

Little Miss she started school on tuesday, first grade. She seems to like it really well. She walks to school with the rest of the house and some neighbor kids. A big pack of them, it is really cute. She is also seeming to adjust here well. Tho, I really have nothing to basis what "well" is off of. Just research and other people's experiences. lol. We have heard and read that immediate interaction in the home with rules, expectations, boundaries, and just family life is the best for a smooth transition so that is what we have done. We do not treat her any differently than the other kids. Make good choices, good things happen. Make not so great choices, well you aren't really gonna like it, but you made the choice, so suck it up buttercup:) My favorite thing about this kid, which I have probably already said is her laugh. When she gets giggle she snorts. It is THE CUTEST thing ever!!! I just love it.

 

HN has just started the second grade, he loves his teacher. He has several of his friends from last year in his class this year, I wonder if his sweet teacher from last year had anything to do with that? I SO wish that his last year teacher Miss Berry was still in first grade so that Little Miss could have her, but at least they will all have a chance for having her in 3rd grade... and by have a chance I mean I am directly requesting, haha.

 

HW is starting kinder, they kind of ease the kinders in the first week. A conference here, 2 hours there, then next week it starts all over again. We are very happy about his teacher as it is the same teacher that HN had. HW is getting really excited to be going to school like all the big kids, he gets to walk to school with them then ride the bus home. so cute:)

 

Baby O is potty training...still. And next week she is not going to know quite what to do with herself as everyone will be gone. She has also ventured into terrible two's full swing. Hello satan child.

 

Then there is Mr. 18. He was having a little difficulty last week. Well ya know he had no friends, no life, whoa is me. But, uh... hiieee you had only been here one week. Buck up! He is singing a different tune now. He has been assigned a locker in "jock hall" as he is an athlete. And well he LOVES that. He also loves that he goes to school with girls. I don't see him wanting to go back to an all boys school anytime soon. He is making friends with the cheerleaders at his school, and the kids on xc. And while there has only been two days of school the second was better than the first. So that is good right?

ok, time to get everyone ready for school!!! more later:)

 







Yes, we are still taking pics...

These are pics from yesterday...our first day with baby Asher, my adorable nephew who we are watching on wed.now:)

So busy!!

I just have a second, then I need to get some food ready for HW's bday party tomorrow. That is right, I know you saw pics of a little shindig already, but I like to have a get together for friends and one for just family. Hey, they only have one bday a yearI!!
Soooo, this week has been crazy with all the back to school stuff. I don't even know if I have gotten into everything on here or not. I should check that out, but basically every day has been busy. Yesterday I was starting at 530 and didn't stop until 10, it was crazy.
ok, I have way more to say, but I am realizing I just can't really do it all justice right now....sooooo you all have to wait. Sorry:)

Welcome to Crazytown...

So this week is just kinda nuts. It is the week before school. I have THREE kids to register for school and man, that sure is a buttload of paperwork. Yep you heard it here first, a buttload. I am sure that you are waiting for me to say something lovely and profound right now, but I am not going to. No, this is my journal/blog whatev, and I am going to take the next minute or so and whine like a big fat baby so buckle up and enjoy the ride....
If October doesn't hurry up and get here I am going to rip my eyes out of my head!!! I went to the Dr. and got a whole pharmacy of drugs.... THEY NO WORKEY!!! I have an inhaler, eye drops, nose spray, and rx drugs...no help.
ok, fine... I suppose I am done for now. I might whine some more later though.

So what has been going on in our house you ask?? Didn't you read the title of the post, craziness that's what.
Let's start with C-man. Yep he is really here. Trust me I am in just as much shock as you. The kid can't make a decision like paper or plastic, but he actually has been thinking all summer about coming back here I think and pulled the trigger on it. I am proud of him. I know that it will take awhile for him to get settled in but I do think things will work out for him here. And everyone's relationship will be better for it. I do have a funny story that I get to say here since he doesn't read this and he reads fb, he prolly fb stalks me, the little weirdie.  So yesterday he was going to his new school to drop off paperwork, then he thought he would go get some coffee I get a call and he was like, "hey I am at a coffee stand do you want anything?" ahh nice boy, so sure I tell him what to get. Well he was about 5 min away from the house... 35 min later we get a call. Hey I think I went the wrong way. lol That was event one:) it gets better.... So he heads to xc later that evening and then makes it back home, gathers his stuff and then we tell him to just take the car to Z & C's house so he can drive to xc in the am. Hubby had him enter all info into gps in his phone and then he left. An hour or so later we still had no txt and we were heading to bed. So I call him and I am like are you lost? He said he folled GPS and went up to wrong house. baahaha. We had to guide him back to the right place. I think he has Dad's sense of direction.

HW and HN are getting excited to start school. HW especially because now he will be going to the same school that HN and J goes to. I can't believe he is going to be a kinder this year!! 5 years old.  That went so fast. HN is really enjoying his last week of summer. He now has the summer appreciation. Knowing that school is about to start he is loving this last week.  We are also having a family bday party for HW this weekend, I am excited for that. I usually have had at least one party by now over the summer and I haven't really done anything all summer!

Little Miss S is getting cozy here. I can tell because she is cozy enough to let loose with us. She is laughing, singing, arguing. You can tell a kid is warmin up if they are not using their best behavior with you. We def. have some kinks to work out with her, some areas where she will need extra work, but we are ready for it. We know that God chose us for this work and He will complete.

Baby O...Oh Baby O. I have been trying to potty train that stinker off and on all summer. Next week she is getting it. The kids will be at school all day so she will not have any distractions. I can't believe she is taking this long. haha It seems the boys were trained much easier.

Well Mommy time is over, time to get ready for the day:)

It's a boy!!!!

An 18 year old boy that is, and my brother. So, since I am currently too lazy to look back through my posts I will just assume that you all know that C-man is moving in. Well moved in. He flew in last night. Can I just say it was the cutest thing ever!! I hope to figure out how to load video so that I can show you guys. We had the kids in jammies then said we had to go pick something up real quick. We were the family in the airport that everyone stares at and smiles. The kids were screaming and hollering, "uncle C, Uncle C, what are you DOING HERE???!!!" He said, " well, I'm gonna live with you guys!" "what about Nana and Papa??" "well I moved. " They were so excited.
Our teenager is currently at XC practice running 10-12 mi...not something I would ever love to do, but good on ya kid! Run yer face off!!

Hudson's pictures

My Boy Turns 5

Wild, funny, happy, jokester, athletic, sweet, compationate, caring, loving, smart.... My HW turned 5 today. Can that really be? I can still remember holding that sweet little baby boy. Snuggling, smellying the baby smells. My babies are babies no longer. This boy wanted so badly to go and climb on construction equiptment. That is all he wanted. That is what he got. Thanks to Hertz equiptment rental!! I do believe that this was their first, probably and only, birthday party ever that they had. Then guy that worked there seemed to get a kick out of it.
We first stopped at Lowe's, for party..uh... construction hats.  And some tape measures. Then we were off to the destination:) The guy showed the kids the trucks, and what each lever did. The kids had loads of questions and he kindly answered each one. It was so nice of him. The kids were also enjoying hunting for treasure at the rental place. And by treasure I mean junk like washers, and bits of smoothed out metal. haha. But we all got a kick out of it and they thought they were getting great finds!
After the trucks it was time for lunch, ending with a huge sunday. We are planning a family party in a week or so once things settle down around here a little bit, but I would say that HW had a great time.

She sings...

I'm laying here by baby O while she falls asleep and I was just singing a few songs, "somewhere over the rainbow, summertime, "-O's fav's- and a few that were requested by little Miss. Then I hear here sing after I had stopped. I realized in this moment I have not heard her sing. She is making up songs while counting the cow and the sheep on the ceiling and  they are really just child like songs but they are the first songs that I have heard. They are a joyful noise to my ears. It actually brings me to tears. Far too often I think that we take advantage of the sound of our children singing, heck I am sure I have said a few times... hey that is too loud. But hearing song for the first time from a new child in your home is really just amazing. I just don't know how to describe it.

I struggle in writing the next bit, but I want to be honest in my writings, for several reasons. One, if I ever make this blog public, I know that honesty however lovely and however brutal will be helpful for the next person down the line. It is hard to find any information on kinship adoption, and anything is great. Second, I want to be true to family and friends who read. I don't rush behind the kids to straighten the house before a picture is taken so why should I feel the need to edit out my honesty.
Third, and final, I plan to make this into a family book one day. Something that I can give to my kids and say, "this is what we are about! Life isn't always going to be easy, but God is always there to help you when it isn't. Some of us are born into families and some of us are chosen, but either way God knew what family would be best for us and HE knew from the begining." Soooo... with all that being said, and wow that really turned into a lot for how little I think I have to say next but here goes....

After O went to sleep Little Miss wanted a few more songs. I was stumbled upon one that her biomom used to sing to her. I had no idea until after I had sang it twice. Sometimes, it is hard for me to smile and say, "no sweetheart, your Mom didn't tell me that song." Oh Lord, please give me the strength!!! Because without you my heart would completely harden on one side and go mushy on the other. I need the strength to just be thankful to Ms. Bio for the gift of  Little Miss and let go of everything else. Let Go...

You see... folks, I told you, it might not all be pretty and pink up in here. It just got real didn't it. But I would be living a lie if I didn't acknowledge those feeling, and if I didn't ask for prayer.

Dear friends...don't hate appreciate!

I really wanted to say that, and LJ, I hope you are reading...you will appreciate:)
Ok, ok, I know it has been a few days. But I did start an entry and worked on it several times, just never had the chance to really get it done. We are...well busy here. If we are fb friends, you now know my brother is coming to town. You also probably think we are out of our dang minds. Luckily for us, and my lil bro we only care what God thinks, sorry:) I think it will be fine...but more on that later.
Little Miss has been getting more comfy here. we are still ironing out all the technical stuff, but I think things will end being alright there too.
Basically I'm not really getting into anything right now cause I need to go make a grocery list, but I thought I should at least put something out there. Like hey we are all alive.

A few days of pictures

Let's talk about people who don't proof their post!

Just rereading some posts...and Ohemgee! Either too early in the am, or just too lazy. Probably the second one:)

What up my peeps!!

Good morning Internet Land,
So how did everyone sleep? Me? Oh thanks for asking! Well I slept SUCKY! Why you ask, allergies. Is it fall yet? I mean really... the sneezy, the itchy, the scratchy, the runny, the watery, the blowing, I am just sooooooo over it. all done. really. all.done.
ok, whiny-baby fit over.

So when I look at the little tracker thingy I can see that there are people coming to the page, I know it is someone on the list, but who? And especially, who is the Ellensburg person? That is really getting my curiosity this morning. I mean common friends and family, gimme a little something here. I know I know, you are just heard to quietly look at pics, maybe read or skim and then be gone. Trust me, I do the same on other blogs too. But sometimes I just have to comment. Now there was some question about logging in or something, I don't know if you have to log in every time or not, never done a private blog before so maybe someone else knows. But I think if you follow the blog you might not have to log it? like I said...ummm I don't really know haha.

ok onto more interesting things...
So yesterday, ya know how I said I was kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think I will just count my blessing for now instead of waiting. Just because something happened to someone else, doesn't mean that is going to happen to us, sure it could, but it is not a guarantee. God has been so faithful to us in this whole thing, molding and shaping our hearts for each step. I know that if anything arises He will be there for that too.
Yesterday was also the second day of  marble jars for Little Miss, I can tell she is really liking it. She asked specifically for me to take a pic so that I could show UB & B. She is also very thoughtful regarding her actions. If manners are forgotten I gently remind her that she should choose to use them or she is choosing to loose her manner marble. She has not chosen to loose it...yet anyways. lol I think that she is eager to see what the date is like. Upon filling up the jar each child gets to go out on a date with Daddy or Momma.

Not a whole lot really happened yesterday, walks, park, fort, backyard.  That is about it:)

Pic post!

We've been busy!

Waiting for the other shoe to fall...

As I am about to actually type this I have to wonder, what will my family think? haha I am a pretty open book, ask me a question and I will give you an answer.  Well, with as much of the adoption process I have seen, heard, read.... I sit here in complete praise of how smooth our transition is going. I do know of something called a "honeymoon" period and wonder if we are in that. I also wonder if this is it? I mean could the little bits of stubborness really be it??!! I mean surely no. Everything I have ever read describes a warming period, a period of grace and calm... a calm before the storm. I wonder when the storm will come. Will there be a storm? She has been here before, and nothing. Does is make a difference when the child is a relative vs. non-kin? All questions to be answered, but I guess to be answered with time. We are ready but until then we will praise him for this Joy.

A fresh start...

We thought what a way to start fresh, than with a fresh do! She loved it...they even put pixie dust in her hair:)