I'm laying here by baby O while she falls asleep and I was just singing a few songs, "somewhere over the rainbow, summertime, "-O's fav's- and a few that were requested by little Miss. Then I hear here sing after I had stopped. I realized in this moment I have not heard her sing. She is making up songs while counting the cow and the sheep on the ceiling and they are really just child like songs but they are the first songs that I have heard. They are a joyful noise to my ears. It actually brings me to tears. Far too often I think that we take advantage of the sound of our children singing, heck I am sure I have said a few times... hey that is too loud. But hearing song for the first time from a new child in your home is really just amazing. I just don't know how to describe it.
I struggle in writing the next bit, but I want to be honest in my writings, for several reasons. One, if I ever make this blog public, I know that honesty however lovely and however brutal will be helpful for the next person down the line. It is hard to find any information on kinship adoption, and anything is great. Second, I want to be true to family and friends who read. I don't rush behind the kids to straighten the house before a picture is taken so why should I feel the need to edit out my honesty.
Third, and final, I plan to make this into a family book one day. Something that I can give to my kids and say, "this is what we are about! Life isn't always going to be easy, but God is always there to help you when it isn't. Some of us are born into families and some of us are chosen, but either way God knew what family would be best for us and HE knew from the begining." Soooo... with all that being said, and wow that really turned into a lot for how little I think I have to say next but here goes....
After O went to sleep Little Miss wanted a few more songs. I was stumbled upon one that her biomom used to sing to her. I had no idea until after I had sang it twice. Sometimes, it is hard for me to smile and say, "no sweetheart, your Mom didn't tell me that song." Oh Lord, please give me the strength!!! Because without you my heart would completely harden on one side and go mushy on the other. I need the strength to just be thankful to Ms. Bio for the gift of Little Miss and let go of everything else. Let Go...
You see... folks, I told you, it might not all be pretty and pink up in here. It just got real didn't it. But I would be living a lie if I didn't acknowledge those feeling, and if I didn't ask for prayer.
I struggle in writing the next bit, but I want to be honest in my writings, for several reasons. One, if I ever make this blog public, I know that honesty however lovely and however brutal will be helpful for the next person down the line. It is hard to find any information on kinship adoption, and anything is great. Second, I want to be true to family and friends who read. I don't rush behind the kids to straighten the house before a picture is taken so why should I feel the need to edit out my honesty.
Third, and final, I plan to make this into a family book one day. Something that I can give to my kids and say, "this is what we are about! Life isn't always going to be easy, but God is always there to help you when it isn't. Some of us are born into families and some of us are chosen, but either way God knew what family would be best for us and HE knew from the begining." Soooo... with all that being said, and wow that really turned into a lot for how little I think I have to say next but here goes....
After O went to sleep Little Miss wanted a few more songs. I was stumbled upon one that her biomom used to sing to her. I had no idea until after I had sang it twice. Sometimes, it is hard for me to smile and say, "no sweetheart, your Mom didn't tell me that song." Oh Lord, please give me the strength!!! Because without you my heart would completely harden on one side and go mushy on the other. I need the strength to just be thankful to Ms. Bio for the gift of Little Miss and let go of everything else. Let Go...
You see... folks, I told you, it might not all be pretty and pink up in here. It just got real didn't it. But I would be living a lie if I didn't acknowledge those feeling, and if I didn't ask for prayer.
No comments:
Post a Comment